I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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