hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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