You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You are a genius and a whore.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
