He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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