Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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