Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
