It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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