You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
