wrigley field is MILF paradise
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
