I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
