I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
its not stalking. its research.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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