i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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