I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
