no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
