She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
