did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
