I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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