He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
