I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
