did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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