Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
