I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
