Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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