Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
