Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
