but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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