At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
