You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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