How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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