i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.