I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.