ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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