I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
