im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't put those talents on a resume
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
