It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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