I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
