After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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