I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
