i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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