Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
