i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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