how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
