i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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