i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I've blown a few things in my day
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
