I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
