soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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