I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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