No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
