doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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