her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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