When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
