My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
