My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Houston, we have a squirter
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
