i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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