i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
