Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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