is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
