I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
