I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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