one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize