What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
