just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
