he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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