her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need moral support for this bender
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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